I love the way you bump

Hello my little 36 week bump!

Hooray!  We've made it!  And in celebration of arriving to this hallmark occasion we took our last bed rest day to write down a few words to express how we feel.....

"My Baby Bump"  by Mamma o' 4. 

My baby bump brings all the boys to the yard...

And they're like, it's bigger than yours

Dats right, it's bigger than yours

I could teach you, but I'm just too large. 

"When my baby's got bump" by Daddy o' 4.

Girl, you need a road sign.....

Cuz that's a dangerous bump ahead!

"Oh no brothers, look at her bump!  It's so big!" by Sister o' 3 

(with a little help from Mommy-Mix-a-Lot) 

We like baby bumps and we cannot lie, 

Even my other brothers can't deny

When mommy wobbles around at super snail pace

 with that round thing in your face 

we just run!  Pull all the crazy stuff

cuz no matter what we call her bluff

when she gets firm. My brothers got to squirm!  

Deep in the baby she's makin'

She's tired and she can't stop achin'

Oh baby, baby we just want you to come out!

And then we'll all scream and shout! 

(while you try to sleep) 

My preschool friends tired to tell us

that bump you've got makes me so jealous!

Oooh, Bump-o'-smooth-skin,

could you still do this baby thing all over agin? 

Non-pediatric dentists for children

Sienna and Jonah had dentist appointments this morning with a new dentist.

A new dentist?   Oh golly, why do you have a new dentist?

I'm so glad you asked, because I was going to tell you all about why regardless, so it's great that your interest is piqued. 

Clearly we weren't using our wisdom teeth when we picked our dental plan during open season last year, because only after signing up did we discover that the "really cool new policy available through Blue Cross Blue Shield" I tried to stay awake to hear all about from Mr. Money Saver had an extremely basic cleaning only dental part that isn't accepted by "pediatric" dentists.  

You see we had a pediatric dentist that we absolutely adore and sent no less than 5 referrals to their office that same month as a result.  One of the two dentists there is honest to goodness named Dr. Beanstock.  How can you not be a pediatric something with a name like that!   She maybe creeps up to 4'10" in high heels too. This lady is adorable to parents and children alike.  She's gentle, animated, fun, fast and most importantly has a really kid friendly and desirable to visit office wonderland.

With that rave review, can you tell why we were more than a little skeptical about leaving our magical Beanstock??

Yup, and so then you also probably figured that we might not have been "as" satisfied with our new experience this morning?

How could we have been?   Fortunately, a new "Dental Depot" opened up 3 minutes and 20 seconds away from our house (which was barely 2 minutes closer than the Magical Beanstock). 

The Dental Depot had potential with a huge train engine, water tower and RR crossing sign in the front courtyard thingy of their building that my boys had been jumping out of the carseats over every time we drove by for the past few months.  Plus, it's for adults and children.  So could be a good fit... maybe a one stop shop for the whole fam? 


Within the first 2 seconds of meeting Jonah's hygienist two things glaringly stood out to us as parents:

1)  The maaaaybe 23 1/2 years old male dental hygenist's perfectly tweezed eye brows and meticuloulsy geled faux hawk. 

2)  That previously described Dental Beiber had likely cleaned 0 children's teeth in his extended career. 

We're not exactly expert hygienist profilers, but after Dental Beiber kept repeating instructions to our 3 year old son like:

"Please step into the panaromic xray machine, clamp down on the probe directly in front of you and remain still until the scan has stopped."

 

 

 

 

As tempting as it was to silently enjoy D.B.'s "age appropriate" instructions, Daddy and I realized we were going to have to interpret just a teensy bit if this was going to go anywhere.

"Ok, Buddy, you get to bite on that stick has hard as you can like a big, huge shark!!

  But don't move or let go until you hear the beep." 

 

 

 

Done and done. 

 

We finally headed back to the cleaning space, section, cubby thingy (no clue what they're called) and Jonah happily plopped himself on the outstretched chair ready to rock and roll!   Things weren't going so badly until Jonah realized this place didn't have TVs on the ceiling, DB didn't have a pig snout or a cat whiskers on the front of his mask and his gloves tasted nothing like yummy fruit or bubble gum.  

 

Strike 2.

 

Fortunately, Jonah was placated with the "dude sun glasses" he got to wear and the wooden trains we let him hold. 

 

 

 

Thinking that we were heading in the right direction I left the area thingy to go check on Sienna one wall over.

 

Yup, just as I thought.
 

Which was very lucky because I hear Dental Beiber asking Daddy and Brother to step out of the room for the next set of xrays. 

 

Excuse me?  Next set? 

Was the panaroma set not enough for a 3 year old, becasue they were at the other place?  

 

 

I exchange glances with Daddy as we hear DB behind the wall alone struggling with Jonah once again. 

 

"Now we are going to take some pictures of your molars.  I'm going to have you open your mouth for me to insert this covered xray film along your gums.  You have to hold very still and keep your mouth closed to keep the film in place while I stand back here with your parents and take a quick picture."

 

 

Riiiight. Did you read on his chart that he was only 3? 

 

 

In case he didn't, we would've thought that Jonah's immediate attempt to get up the second the guy walked behind the wall loudly saying,  "I don like dis.  I wanna home wif Mommy n Daddy"  might have suggested speech development circa preschool age.

 

But no.  Such clues definitely didn't pass through the hair gel. 

 

DB kept on beating that dead horse until poor Jonah was pushed to his Jonah-max (never a good sight to see). 

 

Strike 3.

 

Finally Daddy said, "Sorry, he's just not going to do those kinds of xrays, let's move on before he won't let you clean his teeth."

 

THANK YOU! 

 

Sienna has been long since done with her cleaning and exam, so now the entire brady bunch is in the tiny exam space trying to get Jonah excited to lay back on the boring chair.

 

Jonah finally agreed to sit down if I could sit next to him. I don't blame the little guy.  He probably knew he would be in big trouble without an interpreter close by!  

 

All was back on track.  Daddy took the other kids to play on the huge train outside.  We were calmly underway and gettin' some baby teeth polished up.  

Jonah was still unsure every time DB said something to him and would hilariously just lift up his sun glasses and stare at him like he was totally clueless. Which was pretty true.  

 

Forutnately, D.B. liked the animal analogy thing we used back at the panaromic xray machine and tried adapted that into his script. 

Although, his well-intentioned improvisions still weren't exactly appropriate for the targeted audience...

 

"I'm going to need you to open wide like a snake."

 

Jonah sticks out his tongue and spits slither sounds at him. 

 

What cartoons that we might have ever shown our 3 year old son illustrate snakes opening wide to eat their prey?   None.  Snakes are for slithering and hissing at this age.   

 

 

"Close for suction, please. Like a fish."

Uuuuuh, do what?  What is a suction?

 

Forgive my aquatic ignorance, but do fish close for suction?  What do fish suck? I missed Dr. Beanstock's simple words to "give Mr. Thirsty kisses."

 

 

"Turn your head like an owl toward me."

 

Well.... this is a better use of age appropriate and recognizable animal functions... slightly better... but Jonah still wasn't enthused.   I hate to critize well-intentioned attempts at connecting with your toddler patients, but he probably could've toned it down to "turn your head this way."  

 

 

All said and done, Jonah did so great I couldn't wait to scoop him up and tell him how proud I was that he made it through an HOUR of all that business!  

 

No cavities for either kiddo and lots of compliments on how well they seem to brush. 
 

 

I did like the actual dentist who said he had young kids these ages.  He did a pretty good job with both of them on the exam and got Jonah to stop asking for Dr. Beanstock when he offered him a new tooth brush along with blue t-shirt with a "Dental Depot" train on the front. 

 

Blue, trains and new Toy Story themed tooth brushes was a slightly redeeming wrap up to conclude a decent overall experience at a general dentist cleaning for children or adults. 

 

 

But we're still going with the conclusion that we will be upgrading our plan during open season.   

 

 

Call me frivolous, but imma gonna go out on a limb and say we have the family to warrent pediatric dental coverage....

 

 

Yust yoking ya!

We really like to tell jokes in our family. 

Not just any jokes, but specifically cheesy, punny and popsicle stick worthy one liners. 

I take full responsiblity for this way of life that started somewhere deep in my DNA. 

While most college girls throw drinks in the face of cheesy pick up lines, I swooned. 




My match-made-in-heaven gets this about me.  And Valentine's Day just happens to be a big deal for my gene type.  So this year instead of flowers, chocolates or teddy bears, he did what I've always really wanted on this annual occasion to express our love and appreciation for each other.... He researched clever new material. 

It was very sweet.  However, there is more to the story than just that and since he never reads this blog, I feel safe sharing this little confession with ya'll.....


It all started the morning of Feb 14th when I accidently caught him planning his surprise attack....  you see, he left his email account up on our computer while he was at work, so every time he got an email a notification  the first few lines flashed in the lower right hand corner of the screen.   You can see it is clearly not my fault and not due to any unjust snooping that I noticed an email to himself from him-workself entitled "Jokes for the girls." 

You can imagine what that did to me!  I was so excited, so happy, so touched I could hardly imagine pretending to be surprised.  That is the way to this wife's heart right there, Mister! 

Geez, it used to take a clever line to get a tiny smooch out of me,  now apparently all it takes is knowing he is thinking of one....   

While day dreaming of his reaction to my perfectly cheesy homemade card it dawned on me..... Wait, did that subject line say girlS??? 

More than one girl?!

I'm his only girl!!!  WAIT!  This is not heart melting, this terrible news.  But you see, I couldn't actually open the email to be sure, because then he'd know and think I was snooping.  But maybe I had a reason to poke around.  It must've been the bed rest.   It was too much for him.  He was looking for a broader audience. 

The joke was definitely going to be on this guy when he got home! 

What felt like years later and was probably somewhere between 2-3 hrs after I read the subject line we all heard the sound of his car pulling up and ran to the front room to greet him when he excitedly stopped us to say:

 "Where are my Valentine girlS.... I've got one for ya!" 

 

Oh man.

 

How did I just miss that?!   OF COURSE HE HAS TWO GIRLS!! 

Sienna appreciates quality cheeseness just as much as her mother!  It's in our DNA remember??   He understands that there is one way to both of his girls' hearts and he planned accordingly.  This was no easy joke finding task. Her pun reference is pretty limited at 5 years old, so to find a joke that gets chuckles from both of us was tough to do!   Just when I thought my pregnant, overly sensitive, temporarily suspicious heart couldn't be unfrozen, it melted right back to pure mush. 



Wanna know what the joke was??

Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships carrying potatoes? 

Can you eat just one potato ship?

Turns out just as Sienna takes after her mother in joke appreciation, Jonah takes after his Daddy in delivery.  A few weekends ago during our camping trip (30 feet from our house), Jonah says:

"Hey Mom, why did the boy throw his truck into the fire?" 

 

Not ready for an actual joke to make sense (it usually takes a few years of speech and vocabulary to get here), I said, "Um, because he wanted to get in trouble?!!" 

 

 "No, because it was a fire truck silly!" 

Even if he weren't only 3 years old I'd say that was pretty clever :)    I sure love my goofy boys!

 

7 quick takes Friday vol 4

--1--

Spring is here!  I mentioned last week that it's really been starting to warm up, which means our pool has returned to becoming a tempting focal point of our yard.  Oh yeah, of course the kids are begging to swim in it.  But by tempting I mean mostly for the boys to throw as many objects as launchably possible into it over the course of the morning....   So the other day I caved and decided to let them just try swimming in it instead!  It was coooold!!

--2--

Daddy came home and thought swimming sounded like a fantastic idea.  And yes, the joke was on him when he instantly developed near hypothermia.  He was pretty pleased with the action shot I snapped of the first dive of the year, so he determined the numbness in his toes was worth it.

--3--

Speaking of swimming, you probably already read how this little guy miraculously just sat nicely right next to me at swim lessons (indoor and heated pool) while he watched his big brother and sister splash around in joy.  I just cannot get over what a good boy he was!!  I really need this image to calm me when I encounter situations like #4.

--4--

            

Yes ma'am.  This would be our Costco size bottle of garlic powder sprinkled all over our kitchen a la Sebastian.

                                         

Thank goodness it happened in the evening and I'm on bed rest and just couldn't be the one to clean it.

--5--

You're still stuck on #4 aren't you?  Yeah, me too.  How on earth did Bash get his little paws on that huge bottle of garlic powder?   I'd like to know the answer to that question too.  In fact, almost this entire incident is full of unsolved mysteries.   Besides the obvious mystery of how he managed to do this, the biggest brain buster for me is how the entire escapade went undetected by Daddy sitting just feet away from the crime scene.   Oh never mind that nuance, I think he was reading the news, which is pretty much just as good as him not being in the room at all. 

Fortunately, all three kids got to enjoy "snow" on our kitchen floor, otherwise who knows how long it would've taken us to put a stop to the garlic spread.  Thankfully my pregnant nose picked up the scent of mischief.  Ok, fine, the scent of garlic.  And called Sienna upstairs for inquisition.  She didn't get within 2 feet of me and I thought, ew, ugh, I'm really losing it, this kid smells so bad I can't even hug her!   Until.... she revealed what in fact was going on down stairs. 

Most stories like this end with "and then I screamed and yelled and pulled out the straight jackets" but Daddy was watching them, so I knew I wasn't on clean up duty and it is a little funny.... so naturally, I ran downstairs to take a picture of it for the blog tell Daddy what was happening.  

 

--6--

Speaking of Daddy, the poor guy has been working like a dog!  He has been staying super late every single night this week to wrap up end of year stuff.  And I'm sure his boss is putting a little extra pressure for him to get ahead since he might just maybe possibly (hopefully) need to take a lot of time off in the next couple weeks here!  

So not only will we let missing the spicy disaster in the making slide, I also cut him a little slack in the Donuts for Dad Day commitment by stepping in as the coolest "dad- who is really mom" ever!  Instead of daddy painting Sienna's nails, she painted mine.  She didn't do too shabby either.  She also shaved my uh arms, because I was wearing skinny jeans and we couldn't reach my legs.  And because I'm slightly OCD and I didn't want the shaving cream brushes that were lathering 10 burly dad's faces before me to go on my actual face. Yuck. 

--7--

This is how I woke up this morning....  he's extra sweet when he thinks no one else is watching :) 

It's gonna be a good Friday!

I'm joining Jen at Conversion Diary

My faux bed rest is showing

Day 1 of faux bed rest went a little like this...

(Warning: This is a loooooong post about way too many details about my day that not even my own mom will likely read through... but it's my blog, so I can cry if I want to.)

6:26 am - Wake up to Jonah saying screaming something about him being awake from a good nap now, mommy!

6:27 am- We are all awake from not long enough "naps"

6:30 am-  Deny that all three kids are jumping inside Bash's crib while I wobble to the bathroom to empty my pregnantly squished bladder

6:32 am-  They're actually playing nicely, and my bed is still unmade... I should probably get back in it since I'm on bed rest and all. I take myself up on that offer and lay there half alive. 

7:00 am-  I silently curse my rookie decision to go back to bed as I clean up 500 baby wipes thrown all over the boys' room that were pulled out of the freshly opened wipe pack during their "nice" and quiet playing time.  

7:01 am- Discover the silver lining that the crib wasn't broken!  bonus! 

7:20 am- Finally finish wrestling clothes on both of the boys who absolutely do not want to be dressed anytime in the next 30 years. 

7:30 am- After explaining for the 20th time that we aren't going to watch a show this morning due to the wipes incident I break up a three kid protest and force them downstairs to eat breakfast.  By force I mean I select the football hold for carrying Bash down the stairs so that I can pull Jonah's hand along with us.  I figured it was more bed resty than carrying them both. 

7:45 am-  Serve three different breakfasts that I know will see more floor or fabric than stomach.

8:05 am- Lock all three kids in the backyard with a giant cardboard box, markers and stickers that they magically agree to turning into a race car.   

8:06 am-  Remember they're already dressed in nice clothes that will be seen by people we know on a rapidly approaching play date....  with markers..... alone.... outside....  but I really need to clean the kitchen in peace and get around to finishing my now soggy cereal, so I decide to give them chalk instead.

8:09 am-  See them all  eating holding the chalk in their mouths.  Accept the critique that my breakfast was worse than chalk.  

8:40 am-  Retrieve the dozens of objects that the boys threw in the pool over the last 25 minutes (including most of the chalk).  Herd everyone in the house.  Sponge clean the chalk stains from their clothes.  The boys each walked themselves into timeout for throwing stuff in the pool.  I make a mental note to find a more dreaded consequence for throwing stuff in the pool... they've clearly accepted the trade off as a fair payment for their enjoyment. 

8:55 am- Decide we're just getting in the car.  It's less messy that way. 

9:15 am- We're in the car.  How did it take me 20 minutes to do this, I wish I knew!!

9:30 am - 12:00 pm-  we arrive to an indoor play area to meet friends.  The kids play nicely for 2.5 hours!  See, I've still got it.  No big deal. 

12:02 pm- Juuuuust as we decide to leave Jonah honestly accidentally knocks over a bench and causes Drama Queen of the play yard to get hurt (that's a post on it's own!), so I try to quickly and discretely usher the kids out the door who are loudly asking for their hand stamps from the owner who is clearly pissed that the old lady who lives in a shoe let one of her unruly children harm another child by his unruly bench usage. He reluntantly offers them each a hand stamp.  

12:12 pm- We're finally loaded in the car again.  10 minutes... a little better... but geez.  

12:15 pm-  I finally realize I've just now caught my breath from carrying and loading the kids in the car. 

12:35 pm-  We all get out of the car and into the house in approximately 1 minute.  1 minute!  That's how long it should take to load into the car right??  Logic is never right with children. 

12:50 pm-  I serve two different kinds of mac n' cheese made in two different pots to the kids.  Jonah thankfully eats quietly and passionately for the next 10 minutes.  Bash ate approximately zero bites of the food he dumped all over the floor.  

1:10 pm-  I lose it with my not-yet-two year old son who is now laughing and purposely spitting out milk all over the place and grab him now kicking and screaming from the table.   I hold him down on the couch with one arm and somehow change an incredibly poopy diaper for a kid who throws most of his food.  We march off to naps with no words exchanged. 

1:20 pm-  Discover that Jonah has thrown all the dishes I left on the lunch table into the pool.  Food scraps and all.  

1:21 pm- Realize it's a blessing that I still haven't caught my breath from carrying Bash upstairs because I could've screamed a scream like never before.  We're all ready for naps.  I don't have to be out of mommying shape to realize that.  Is Daddy home yet? 

1:30 pm- Jonah is tucked away in his napping spot while I bribe Sienna with anything it will take to please, please PLEASE just have quiet time nicely today without asking Mommy any questions. Mommy has to go lay down and take care of the baby in my tummy.  

1:31 pm- Jonah is missing from his nap spot.  Other missing items include an iPad, my book light, my water bottle and the TV remote.  

1:35 pm-  I find Jonah in the guest room closet hiding with his loot.  I threaten spankings, point furiously at the napping spot and try to catch my darn breath yet again.... all the while I'm fairly confident I feel steam releasing from my ears. 

1:37 pm- Jonah is shaking in his napping spot.  No spankings yet, but I remind him that he's thisclose to it.  

1:40 pm- Jonah's eyes are allllllmost closed when Sienna lightly taps on the door with just one question.   One question!  I begged for no questions today!  It hasn't even been ten minutes.  WHAT?  What is your question?   Can she please eat candy if she cleans the play room?  Hum, well, that's a pretty good exchange.  Ok, fine.  

1:41 pm- "Is Enna gonna eat candy?"  Ugh. Jonah.  Your eyes were almost closed!  "It's not your concern.  Shut your ears and go to sleep!"

1:55 pm-  Jonah is finally, finally asleep.  Thank God!  I head down to see how our playroom cleaning arrangement might work out.  

1:56 pm- I pile up the candy and warn that Sienna is NOT to ask me any questions and to play nicely until everyone wakes up from naps. 

1:57 pm- I fish all our dishes out of the pool and load them into the dish washer and get Sienna a bizzillon craft supplies to occupy her time.  

2:20 pm-  She has used up all bizzillon of the craft supplies and has just one little question..... 

2:21 pm- My dear friend arrives with our meal for the night.  Oh thank you LORD that I'm still getting meals this week!!  

2:30 pm- I say goodbye to my friend and Sienna has another question.  Can she watch a show?  Jonah with the super sonic, not shut while sleeping ears hears the word "show" and rapidly appears begging along with his sister. 

2:45 pm-  I cave.  Fine. Let's watch a show.  But just until Bash wakes up.  I finally, finally, finally sit lay on the couch to flip through Netflix "Just for Kids."  Is Daddy home yet? 

2:50 pm- We decide on Blues Clues.  While it's loading I'm gonna text Daddy just to be sure he's coming home for swim lessons tonight.  Oh, look!  One missed message... let's open this baby up! 

Nooooooooooo! 

I missed his text.  He has to work late.  I must respond well.   I can tell he is stressed.  I manage with "Thanks for the heads up." Lame, but not considering I really wanted to call him on the spot crying that it was too much on my first day of being all alone with the kids all day.  Jonah has swim lessons later on.  How am I gonna take all three kids to swim lessons?  How will I be able to keep Sebastian out of the pool and force him to watch his brother get to swim without Daddy there to walk him all around outside?? 

2:51 pm-  Panic sets.  Blues Clues starts.  I close my eyes to escape for just one little second. 

3:37 pm- My eyes burst open. Panic returns!  Only worse!  Did I actually fall asleep?  The children?  My children?  Where are they?  

3:40 pm-  I realize they're still sitting on top of me on the couch watching another episode of Blues Clues.  Phew.  

3:50 pm-  Still lying under my kids on the couch weighing my options for skipping swim I hear tiny foot steps on the stairs.  Good morning Bashy.  There's plenty of room on my right ankle and left calf for you.  

3:55 pm- The second episode of Blue Clues is over... I guess that's probably enough unrealistic blue dog and equally unrealistically happy man.  We all roll off the couch.  And stumble to the kitchen. 

4:00 pm-  Snacks are served.  Sippy cups are poured.  Play room is clean...  Everything is surprisingly calm and quiet.  I wonder why I didn't just put on a show hours ago??   

4:17 pm-  I text Daddy just one more time to make sure he really, really has to work late and absolutely will not come to swim with us tonight.  This is really a ridiculous exercise, because he always calls on his way home.  He hasn't called yet, so he's not on his way. He'd have to be on his way to make it in time for swim.  Why am I pretending to send a "no pressure" text that is clearly full of silent pressure.  I'm a terrible wife.  

4:30 pm- The kids are still sorta just hanging out nicely.   Ok... better go to swim.  To the Mommy Missle!  (That's how I refer to my van when I'm in a fairly good mood.  Get.in.the.car.now is how I refer to it when I'm stressed or angry).   

4:45 pm- I pull out of the garage.  Good start!  Only 15 minutes to load...  and I even had to prepare extra snacks and swim suits.... ya baby, I got it! 

5:05 pm-  Arrive to swim 5 whole minutes early!  See, I'm back to my old self.   And as a bonus the swim department head isn't there today and Sienna's old swim coach is filling in for him, so offers Sienna to swim in the zero entry pool while Jonah does his lesson if I have her suit with me.  If I have her suit?  What do I look like here, a rookie??  Of course I have her suit!  One kid down, just Bash to worry about it.  

5:10 pm-  I settle in my pool side chair and say a quick prayer that poor little Bash somehow doesn't give me the hardest 45 minute struggle of my day trying to jump in the pool too. 

5:14 pm-  It doesn't take long to determine it is hard holding him on my lap against my belly, so I pull up a chair for the little big guy and offer him my first snack bribe.  An entire cliff bar all to himself.  He usually shares with Jonah, so I knew this might be good.  

5:20 pm-  Yup, still sitting there checking out his Cliff Bar.

5:25 pm-  Just gnawing on a chunk of my bar, checking out the kids in the pool Mom.

5:35 pm-  Getting a little tiny bit wiggly... I realize a miracle has already occurred and I start my prayers of thanksgiving.

5:45 pm-  He's still sitting here.  Just checking things out.  He IS STILL SITTING!

5:50 pm-  Ok seriously.  I am one extremely lucky momma.  I'm so happy I almost want him to get up and run around with me!  But I'm on faux bed rest, so I just do a discrete awkward mommy dance in my head.

5:55 pm -  Lessons are over.  We made it.  I made it!  By the grace of God and His miracles I totally, easily, unstressfully made it!   The big kids slowly walk over and ask for their towels (please) with smiles on their faces.  

Am I still dreaming on the couch?? 

6:15 pm - The kids are showered and dressed in dry clothes again.  Sebastian is STILL just sitting where ever I put him down. 

6:45 pm-  We're home and unloaded from the car. It is an hour and half later than we usually eat dinner. There is no way I'm going to just pull up to the house, cook anything, serve it and have the kids eat without total chaos ensuing.... but.... I might as well try.  

6:50 pm-  All three kids are just sitting at the table waiting for dinner.  Are they drugged?   What is happening??? 

7:00 pm- They ask for more carrots and spinach.   Ok, they are drugged.  It must have happened during my nap while I thought they were watching Blue Clues and sitting on top of me.  

7:05 pm-  Sebastian dumps his plate on the floor.  Oh phew.  This is my kid!   Just the pinch I needed to make sure I wasn't dreaming. 

7:20 pm-  Daddy is finally home!!  He sits on the couch next to the kids quietly reading books.  

7:21 pm-  He goes there.... oh yes he does... 

"So, seems like your day was pretty easy going with these guys!" 

Um... not exactly, but it could've been much, much worse.  

Faux bed rest

I left for the doctor's office yesterday afternoon almost skipping and jumping expecting her to say, woohoo! 34 weeks!  Great job trapping your little super hero for so long in that belly of yours.  Now the time has come to get out of bed, resume your life and prepare for his landing in a couple weeks.


But what she really said was....

"Wow, you are even more dilated than last time (4-5cm), he is fully effaced and I think you better stay put until 36 weeks to make sure he stays safely in that womb for as long as possible."


Upon hearing such news I just couldn't seem to muster a mature, dedicated parent-like response, so instead I thought I'd trying looking as cute as Sebastian when told he can't have something he really wants to see if it'd improve the outcome any.

Turns out it doesn't have the same affect coming from full grown women.  It didn't even make me feel any differently about my fate... so much for that approach Bash!  We've been telling you pouting doesn't get you anywhere in life.


So back home I didn't skip.


I walked through the door as dejected as a wet hen.  I gracefully plopped my enormous bellied self back down on the couch next to the sample paint square that so fittingly reminds me of all the things we hoped we'd be able to do before the baby arrives....   and said...

F - I - N - E!

Two more weeks.  It's not forever.  We can do it.   

And then realized, who am I kidding?

Refer to line one where I mentioned almost skipping to the doctor's office in anticipation that she'd give me the green light to skip anyway.  I'm not actually going to stay on bed rest any more.  My mind was set on 34 weeks.   I made my goal.  You can't just change goals at the very last second.  It's like setting fake goals to get you to other goals.  I'm too smart to be tricked so easily.

Fortunately for all parties at risk to my selfish bed rest refusal, my body isn't exactly what it used to be back in January, so we will likely continue seeing some very bed resty behaviors over the next week at least.

I will take it easy.  (I really will, I'm tired, I'm 85 months pregnant, I won't be hitting any gyms.)

I will lay as much as "possible."

I will sit when I can.

I won't roam around Target as my doctor specifically mentioned not trying to do.  (Unless it's in a motorized scooter, and then I might because we really need burp clothes and crib sheets before the baby comes).

I'll consider this modified bed rest.  Like I did have to do when I was pregnant with Jonah.  That was doable.  And for two weeks, totally doable.

So with that justification I'm going to sign off for now and hope to enjoy the last few days of my faux bed rest. 

Plunging into parenthood

When I signed up for this parenting game I was fully aware of the diaper changing, bed wetting, vomit cleaning duties that would be required of me.  I was even ok with the realization that I'd likely get pooped on, vomited on or snotted on pretty much daily.

Most would say this is pretty prepared for the messy side of parenting, right?  

WRONG!

No one bothered to add toilet plunging to my list.  Daily toilet plunging.   This is far worse than any other of the aforementioned bodily function mishaps.  Those are fresh.  Clogged toilets linger... they go undetected for long periods of time until I happen to use the same restroom as the three potential cloggers and realize the problem. Which doesn't happen too often during the day since I'm smart enough to avoid using the same toilet as a three year old boy does.  This means by the time the duty calls it's by aroma alone.  

If I'm really lucky the cloggers have attempted to fix the problem themselves, which means I get to clean a flooded floor and a toilet all at once!  I say lucky, because at least in this situation the clog is somewhat fresh?? 

No, sorry, I take it back, that can't even be a silver lining.  The only possible silver lining would be this happening when daddy is home, which naturally it never does. 

I dispise plunging toilets.  

Pitching our tent in style

Backyard style!  

That's right, with sunsets like these in your own backyard, who really needs to pack up and haul it out to the real wilderness to enjoy the fun of camping?

Well, Daddy definitely would, but with 3 little kids and a wife who is 80 months pregnant, he knows better than to dare suggest traveling more than 30 feet from our back door for our spring camping trip this year.... 

I don't know how to break this to you kids, but do you see that spot over there by your bikes and scooters?  

That's gonna have to be our camp grounds for this year's spring camping trip...

Noooooo silly, you're just kidding me mommy!   

Bash is just plan confused. 

What is this thing? 

A tent?    For nigh night?   Outside? 

(Sebastian has been camping several times, but things just take on a whole new meaning when you have your own words to discuss these types of things).  

Hooray!!!  Nigh night outside!!  Yay! 

Sorry buddy, not you....

You're kidding me again right? 

Don't worry, we're not totally cruel.

We let him carry the wood for the fire! 

And put it neatly in a pile, which sounds like child labor infraction, but he was pretty happy about his contribution.

And didn't even notice that the big kids got to help put up the tent. 

(I was uh helping too... by being on photography duty... from my lawn chair.... I am on bed rest after all!)

Now it wouldn't be camping without Daddy getting to use his "camping tools"

So we all indulged him with oooohs and awes as he "split" the wood scraps we gathered from the free scrap wood pile at Lowe's... I mean, from the woods.

Sienna was just as excited for bed time as Daddy was to be chopping scrap wood. 

Hold on now, this wouldn't be real camping without a fire and roasted marshmallows...

Sienna was a little concerned about eating the "marshmallow juice" that kept getting all over her fingers from inside her roasted marshmallow

But not Jonah, he won for most resourceful gooey marshmallow eating.  Watch out Bear Grylls!

Although, Sienna didn't do too bad with this marshmallow eating survival situation...  she found a tame beast to help lick her sticky fingers clean.

After a few rounds of camp fire jokes the kids were all ready to snuggle up in their cozy air mattress. (Of course an air mattress, what do you expect, we're 30 feet from our house)

I stayed for a quick bed time story, which was about my limit...

Before I really needed to go upstairs and check on Bash again....

which was my code for time to thoroughly enjoy a huge bed to my 80 month pregnant self and control of the Netflix! 

Alright, you caught me... this solitude was great for the first 20 minutes, until I finished this post, remembered I already found the bottom of the internet this morning, realized there still isn't anything good on Netflix and couldn't stop thinking about how cute my little backyard trio is.... 

I do just a teensy bit wish I could join them, but then again I am at least 90 months pregnant by the end of this post, so maybe I'll just see them in the morning! 

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol 3)

7 Quick Takes Friday

--- 1 ---

Article found here. 

So apparently this week an Arizona couple won the million dollar lottery for the second time!  The second flipping time and this Oscar the Grouch couldn't smile for a single picture taken of him.  After this Christmas card worthy shot I had to read the whole article.  Ok, fine.  This is what bed rest really does to a person.  I don't really care about the lottery, but let's be honest, I have little else to do...

Since you don't have the same time on your hands as I do I'll spare you the research and tell you their secret to how to win the lottery jack pot not once, but twice.  You spend $200 per week on lottery tickets.  $200/week.  Yes, folks, that is correct.  We don't even spend that much on groceries for a family of almost 6. I say almost 6 because I am one of those people who eats for two when I'm pregnant...

Anyway, these self-proclaimed "simple folks" who pride themselves in driving 10 and 13 year old junkers, not having nice clothing or fancy houses consider themselves to not really be "big spenders."   True, $200,000 on lottery tickets in 20 years is pretty modest spending.   Most people can't even pay off their $200,000 homes in 20 years.... If I had $200 extra a week to spend on whatever I wanted I might use a slightly different investment strategy.  But that's just me and they claim this is their investment strategy and it's not luck. It's persistence.  Or insanity.  Congrats grumpy couple. Money clearly doesn't buy happiness and neither does gambling.

--- 2 ---

One of the reasons I love my husband so much is his inability to hide his endearing nerdiness.  

It goes beyond his shorts always being slightly too short.  Or that he really likes short sleeve button up shirts.  And sometimes (always) tucks his undershirts into his pajama pants for bed....

It's also because he sees me posting things like QT #1 and immediately pulls up a Future Value Calculator on his phone to compute just how wise the Lottery Grouch's investment strategy really was.... guess what?  It turns out that luck put aside just investing $200/week into a basic 8% interest bearing account would only yield $515,070.59 in 20 years... so even their first lottery payout after taxes was a pretty darn good return.... shoot, there you have it, maybe there is more than one way to skin a cat after all. 

But for the record I'm still sticking with my accusations of crazy and that I'd put an extra $200/week to much better use than lottery tickets and probably have a happier picture taken of me doing it!  

--- 3 ---

Speaking of nerdy and of awesome duo portraits....

This is beauty is a picture of me and my sister circa 1980-something.  As I mentioned last week, she was here visiting this week and I'm proud to report that like it or not both of our hair looks exactly the same!

Hum... maybe I'd use an extra $200/week to somehow tame that natural wave... nah, probably wouldn't! 

--- 4 ---

Other fun facts about me and my family.... We really like to eat at In n' Out... like almost weekly (don't judge, it could be worse).  So the older kids are getting pretty good at doing the sticker puzzles all by themselves while we wait for our food.  After showing us his completely finished number puzzle we exclaim with the usual parental exaggerated excitement, "Good job, Jonah!  You hit that right on the nose!"

Bash overheard and wanted attention for hitting the stickers "right one the nose" too,

"Luk! Luk! On Nose! On Nose!" 

Seriously??!  I'm still melting!  I really love this little guy! 

--- 5 ---

Speaking of melting.... (do these need transitions, because I'm stretching it here?)


It's gettin' hot out here!  So bribe with otter pots!  I am getting so hot, I'm gonna behave for otter pops!

Or "juice sabers" as Jonah prefers... 

I said this already about another child, but I'm a mom so I'll say it again, I really love that kid and his 3 year old devotion to a show I'm sure he barely understands.  

--- 6 ---

On the more serious side of the week...

God bless Pope Francis!   

I was in the middle of converting or maybe just recently baptized when Pope Benedict was selected, so I really don't remember a whole lot about it.  I'm sure I heard who he was weeks after he became Pope... I guess I also didn't really get what the role of a Pope was exactly ??  Shame on me.  But you know, I had a little more to take in at the moment than what was happening in the Vatican... it's all gradualism right?   But this time around I was glued to the news, praying, waiting and hoping.  I didn't expect it to be such an emotional experience!  I actually had tears in my eyes when I saw that white smoke.  I am not a crier.  Really, not even pregnant. I rarely cry, but there I was wiping tears of joy and thanksgiving before I even knew who had been chosen.  I almost crashed facebook with status updates and declarations of excitement, which I'm a little embarrassed about looking back, but this is a big deal!  

--- 7 ---

And, not to make any part of the glory surrounding our new Papa Francisco about yours truly, I just wanted to throw out there the exciting connection that my family IS from Argentina.  Not like, oh, my distant relatives lived there 100s of years ago.  My family is from Argentina as in the majority of my mom's extended family still lives there, I've BEEN there to visit them and my mom herself has still never made the effort to become a US citizen...  Don't worry, she's legal ya'll, but just doesn't vote and gets to show off her green card when she signs employment papers.  So that's also pretty fun to selectively play up my latin americanness for this occasion :)   Sorry, it's not that I don't have Latina pride... it's mostly that my physical appearances are clearly from my "US caucasian-mutt pride" side of things.  I've been to Buenos Aires.  One clothing store owner thought I was a drag queen.  True story.  They don't make many female Argentineans 6' tall...  And of the ones they do make they're usually singled out to become famous models.  That and when I went off to college I checked that I was 1/2 latin american on my application... then got to college and was apologized to by the director of Latin American Student Affairs the first time we met for the "error"- someone accidentally marked me as Latina and he wanted to know "If there was an ethnic group I intended to identify with?"  So I keep my latina on the hush unless occasions like this pop up...  

I'm linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary :)