Thursday, February 21, 2013

Roid Rage

This may only come as a surprise to my bed who is likely just as sick of me as I am of him....

Buuuuuuut looks like I over it did it again this week.


I wasn't shocked either. 

Another significant decrease in length and drop in position (which I honestly did not think was possible!) 

The funniest part is I sat there promising my doctor up and down that I had actually taken it fairly easy this week and it was only until I got home that I remembered our Thursday Thursday show down... oops! The devil is in the details isn't he??  

The bright side to all this is our next baby saving steps allowed this momma to accomplished two major milestones in life in less than 30 seconds! 

1)  I was given my first tushy injection....... left cheek style!   (While more bruising to the ego, may I add that it's actually less painful than being stuck in the upper arm? Meatier on me, you see.) 

2)  I can now say I occasionally take steroids for performance enhancement.   Oooh I hope this doesn't disqualify me for any baby making olympic trials??   Shoot, let's keep this on the DL for now juuust in case... 

I was a little worried about shooting up my first time even for such a worthy cause, so I made sure the nurse was clear that if she messed up the dose and I came back tomorrow looking like Mrs. Hulk with a mustache she'd have some answering do to. 

But what I should have said was if my son came out looking like baby hulk she was going to have some answering to do....   because....    just a few short hours after the injection I am fairly convinced that I experienced the effects of infant roid rage in the womb. 

I don't often pretend to be a doctor, unless it's related to flesh wounds,  but I am pretty good with cause and effect, so imma gonna run with it and draw one possible correlation between my recent performance enhancing injections and what transpired shortly after:

  • 2 hrs post injection-  I experience a strong urge to get to bed, unaware that my body was subconsciously preparing my torso to keep my violent Captain America baby from escaping via belly button during his bulging transformation.  

  • 2.5 hrs post injection- I've been pregnant 4 times.  I've experienced strong kicks.  Kicks that hit under your rib cage.  Kicks that threaten to burst your bladder.  Kicks that sorta hurt...   So allow me the credibility to tell you that the "kicks"  "punches"   "jerks"   and  "squirms"  I felt last night were like nothing I've even experienced during pregnancy or even while trying to hold down kicking, screaming and scared 3 years olds at a doctor's office.   But that's as close of an analogy I can offer, except there was no layer of skin and fat to protect my inner organs. 

  • 3 hrs post injection-  I curl up in bed fighting intense nauseous and suppressing a constant urge to vomit with each progressive blow inside my womb.  My body tenses up and contractions start wrapping around from my back to my uterus.

Uh oh

  • 3.5 hrs post injection- Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart.  Yes, that is close. 

I'm 30 weeks and 4 days, we're not actually prepared that I could seriously have him THIS early.

  • 4 hrs post injection- I realize we might need to pack a bag, so I decide to get up and grab a few things.  As I start walking around my contractions actually slow down...   back to 7 minutes in between.... less intense and Mr. Roid Rage starts moving less and less violently.  

  • 5 hrs post injection-  I'm back in bed lying in one specific position that seems to somewhat tame persistent Mr. RR's blows.  

  • 5.5 hrs post injection-  I'm managing the movement, feeling a little calmer and contractions are now 10 minutes apart... 11 minutes... 15 minutes.... was that a contraction?  I think so... I just need to close my eyes and relax.... to see...  if.... they.....ease up...... I should probably pray huh....  let me just pray a little.... 

I jolt awake and realize it's all stopped.  The baby is still and I have fallen asleep. 

Peace.  Thankfulness.  Reality.  

He gives me a soft nudge to tell me he's ok and I just laid their awake the rest of the night thinking of how good it's going to feel to finally snuggle his sweet gigantic muscles against my chest when this is all over and I can be sure he is perfectly ok.  

But for the love, let's please just wait 6-10 more weeks before we do that ok Little Super Hero??  

For now, you are right where you need to be and I'm so relieved it still hasn't hit me that I hardly slept last night at all.   Stay in the bat cave little man, your brothers are plenty to keep this crazy world on it's toes until you arrive!


  1. Sounds like your little guy might turn out like this kid:

    Seriously though, take it easy girl!!!! Do you still have some help hired? It's okay for the house to be disgusting until Daddy or whatever other grownup comes home! I'm thinking of you guys and hoping Mr. Baby Universe stays inside for the rest of winter at least!

    1. I almost went into labor again laughing at that poor little muscle man! I don't even like that look on full grown men!

  2. Dang momma! That sounds like nothing I ever want to experience. Only YOU would be able to manage that! Now, for the name of this baby, I am thinking - Clark, Peter, Bruce....see a theme?
    Love you! Call me anytime! I am off for the next three days and then- Lucas bright and early Monday morning, should be gracing us with his presence....but I am still only a phone call or text away!
    Love you! Hang in there 6 more weeks!