How to eat cereal: A tutorial by Sebastian

Step 1:  Using your fingers, remove all the cereal from the bowl.  You can alternate between a 1:1 or 1:2 ratio for mouth vs table distribution.* 

 

Step 2:  Thoroughly examine the contents of the bowl to make sure only the desired concentration of sugarly sweetened milk remains.  Tip: Be careful to position your hands far apart so you do not spill the milk you so meticulously isolated. 

 

 

 

 

Step 3:  Lean forward and slurp all of the milk from the bowl. 

 

 

Step 4:  Using all of your force, throw the empty bowl onto the floor to alert a patient canine that his table scraps are ready. 

 

 

Repeat daily.

 

 

* Procedures may vary depending on cereal type:

• For small cereal like rice krispies adjust distribution ratio to 1:1:1, mouth:shirt:table.  
 
• For larger cereal like shredded wheat, please separate each shred of wheat using pointer and thumbkin before distributing it to your preferred location. 

I should've been a cowboy

Last week was rodeo week at Sienna's preschool.  One of her teachers sent me this adorable picture of her with Fr. Greg roping a "cow."

It's sad enough that I had to miss out on seeing her, but the really sad part is for this poor little thing whose mom was the ONLY parent (so out of touch with the school happenings) who still made her wear her uniform to school....  

I was also thisclose to forgetting that she didn't have school today.... after my no-uniform day oversight for the rodeo show down I'll just let you use your imagination to dream up how frustrated and ridiculous we would've felt after the hassle of waking up on time, getting everyone dressed, packing lunch and hauling all of our bedresty- and toddlery- selves out the door to join the staff on their no-student in service day.   

But that's a digression...  back to the bigger issue.... 

How did I miss the cowboy dress up day for school?  

I haven't told ya'll this yet, but I really, really, really LOVE cowboys!  I'm a total self proclaimed occasional cowboy/girl poser.  I may or may not have been over heard encouraging my sons to say they want to be cowboys when they grow up just because it sounds adorable.... I may also have been seen pretending I married a rodeo star by making him wear totally not real and mostly ridiculous mainstream trendy "cowboy" boots on one or two of our dates where we very awkwardly show up to cowboy hang out spots like rodeos or hardcore western bars that we have no business being at just because it's sorta fun to pretend we get the wrangler wearing, cowboy hat donning, two-stepping and boot stomping scene.

I grew up in Prescott, AZ, what can I say... I just don't think I'll ever stop loving cowboys and occasionally pretending I can throw on some trendy "western" outfit and call myself part of the round up.   

For the record, growing up in Prescott did teach me that most real cowboys have terrible habits, so I'll stick to our occasional wardrobe joining and music sing along level of participation.

Anyone else love that Red Dirt Road?   Or perhaps you also have Friends in Low Places?  Sorry, I guess I'm just an Indian Outlaw...  

This isn't art, it's an instructional diagram

After seeing his work displayed on our fridge, the artist himself was quick to explain this was so much more than just fridge art...   I was then instructed to save this diagram in my hospital bag so it can be easily referenced in the event that I lose focus of the "big picture" during my labor process.

 

 

The big picture?  Isn't that bringing a life into this world safely?  

No, apparently that's just a line for first or second time parents.... 

According to Daddy, the big picture with #4 is getting that life to come fairly quickly and at a reasonable hour unless I'm willing to have an epideral.  

 

 

Wow, I'm getting all choked up just thinking about how beautiful this birth experience will be together.... wait, sorry, that's just heart burn....  

 

 

Of course this lead to an in depth dissection of the master piece.... hold on tight folks, each curve, line and image has a specific meaning. 

 

Allow me to help you see his vision:

 

 

1.  These referees are not judging my steller performance, but rather illustrating how quickly my dilation progresses upon arriving to the hospital.  Unlike previous births where I'm stuck at a 7 for hours and hours and hours. 

 

2.  While I thought he was hoping this little guy would be born an olympic swimmer, here he is merely demonstrating that the baby slides right out without a long time pushing.  Which leads us nicely to #3.

 

3.  Notice that I am holding my own leg in this picture?   Yes, that's the point, the baby comes so easily that there is no need for tiring leg holding from Daddy or anyone else. 

 

4.  At first I thought he was just being a gentleman by remarking on how "tiny" my belly is.  Aw, so sweet!   He was in fact trying to show that my belly is not very big all things considered... but that wasn't the main motivation for this move.  Instead, the point of this is to show a scaled comparison between the size of my belly and the size of my post-pregnancy swollen face as illustrated in #6. 

 

5.  No guessing needed here folks :)

 

6.  See #4.  And yes, it is true. My face gets so obnoxiusly wide by the end and for a few weeks after my pregnancies that I look like a bobble head doll wobbling off with a newborn baby... I had commented on this unfortunate phenomenum moments before we began this exercise, so it was fresh in his mind.  He can't be blamed. I would've drawn the same thing.  It's all in the name of accuracy.

 

7.   I am on a flat table.  Why on earth would he draw me on a flat table?  What decade is this?  He explained, but I refuse to understand.  This is NOT in my birth plan.

 

8.  "1-2-3 out in record time"  My labors have been progressively longer.  14-16 hours with Sienna. 19 hours of intense contractions with Jonah.  And almost 3 days of 5 minute intervaled contractions with Sebastian...  I agree with this recommendation.  Record fast time would be awesome.

 

9.  Day time labor.  Done around a meal time so the cafeteria will be open.  Great suggetions. I second both motions.  I am always famished after labor.  It's very burdensome when they are born during limited menu hours and after surviving 2 over night labors I know enough to hope for a day time labor as well.  I wished I had thought of drawing a clock in my picture too.

 

10.  No recognition was given to this observation, but am I the only one who notices Daddy's absense from this illustration???    Cleary, we're not on the same page in more ways than one!

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, ok, let me throw out the disclaimer in case some people are getting all worked up about this poor guy that I love so much.  Clearly, a lot of this was drawn in jest.  We had a limited time to draw our "ideal birth situation" and he was clearly trying to be funny.  Not to deny him any comedic credit, but let's be honest, we all know most symbolism was probably accidental and only thought of after hearing me voice my own interpretation.   I know that and he knows I know that, so he runs with it.  I'm lucky he agreed to a doula, so I'm happy to let him enjoy himself even if it means taking a ribbing or two during these types of exercises which I'm sure he suffers through with nearly noticable eye rolls.  We both tease that we want a fast labor or bust, but who really gets upset about things not going that way in the moment of bringing a human into the world?  I know we'll be just as overwhelmed with joy and love whether we hold our new son for the first time at 3:00 am or 3:00 pm.  



7 quick takes Friday (Vol 2)

--- 1 ---

This week we got invited to a real life party in a few weeks that is scheduled for the very weekend I'm supposed to get off bed rest!!!  Eeeee!!!  Socializing!  Fresh air!   Friends!!  I was so excited I accidentally broke bed rest to do the embarrassing awesome mommy dance all over our kitchen as I asked Sienna what type of side she thinks we should bring.   Dancing the lame mommy dance with me (I shouldn't ruin her chance of a normal social life by encouraging such things, but they're also the only moves I've got) she suggests:

"I know! How 'bout we bring and apple-tizer!"
"That's a good idea instead of a dessert, what kind?"
"Hum... prolly a green apple one"

In my excitement I almost missed this apple-tizer gem!

--- 2 ---

Did you know that I turn into a scary monster toddler eating monster with razor sharp claws when I change Bash's diapers?   Me neither, but he sure thinks so!  He will do anything in his almost 2 year old power to kick, flip, buck, twist or flail out of my reach.  This is becoming quite the work out for my bed rest fatigued body to handle.  Ironically, I think it'd make me a real monster to just give up trying and make him sit in his stinky mess all day.... if the shoe fits, wear it!  Maybe I'll try this today.

--- 3 ---

In celebration of hitting 32 weeks last weekend I decided to go to church for the first time in almost a month!   It was the most fitting opportunity for me to continually shout the "if loving the Lord is wrong, I don't want to be right!" the entire drive there (Coming to America?  Anyone?  Too old?  Please don't tell me it's too old?).   I just needed to go.  I really do not like missing church.  I need that time.   It's hard for people who don't go to church to understand, but a month without was really wearing me down.   

Buuuut it turns out I probably should've been wrong for a little longer, because everyone and their Sunday hats said something to the effect of "oooh so good to see you!  Must be so nice that you're off bed rest!" including my own husband who assumed this also meant I should basically be off bed rest because I "could" make it through mass.  What did people think?   If I got out of bed the baby would slip right out???   Of course I "could" make it through mass.  I probably "could" go to the grocery store, cook dinner, clean my house and carry my children up and the down the stairs, but it's not a exactly recommended to try at this point... so my celebratory excursions are no more until I am officially off bed rest to avoid giving any false impressions that it would be ok for the baby to be born this early.  It would be "ok" in terms of survival, but the timer hasn't buzzed yet, this little bun needs to cook a lot longer!!

I'm still on bed rest. I'm still on bed rest.  I won't wonder around any more!  Scouts honor!

--- 4 ---

Poor Jonah meets his fate again....

The train table won this battle, but don't worry, he'll probably try again next week just to make sure running into it will still hurt.  

--- 5 ---

The jury is out whether he was trying to make his brother feel better for his swollen Orc face or if he just forgot it's a bad idea to try blowing a motor boot in a bubble bath.

--- 6 ---

Before I begin, please refer back to #4 for the disclaimer that I do not want this baby to born any time extremely soon, but in a few more weeks, not months would be nice.  So I'm starting to get my mind ready for labor.  We get to have a doula for the first time this birth (yay!!! more embarrassing mom dance arms!).  We met with her last night to talk about some of our expectations for labor.  She had both of us parents-to-be (again) illustrate our respective ideals for the birth experience.  I'll let all you experienced child birthers enjoy Daddy's ideal birth situation.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one!!!

(The scribble is curtesy of Bash, who can't resist an opportunity to 'dah too'" 

--- 7 ---

I'm quite excited for this Friday, not because it promises to be filled with mediocre meatless meal options, but because my sister is flying into town as I type!!   I'm not really sure who loves her more, me or my kids, but both of us get similarly excited when she walks through the door.   She enjoys my silly punny humor, also laughs with her mouth open too wide with me and personally knows the woman who Sean Lowe picks to be his "ever lasting" bride!!  Which means I can corner her without electronic escape into answering my many questions that she's been avoiding all season long since accidentally telling me she not only knew who he picked in the end, but she KNEW who he picked in the end!   So I can't really focus on wrapping this up with anything witty or interesting, except maybe to say wish me luck not wanting to push my bed restiness while she's here.  

I'm linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary :)

Take your picture

Last weekend my brand new, shiny, in perfect condition fancy iphone met its untimely demise.  We won't linger on the cause of death or the begrudged murder suspect, because what really matters is that it's gone.

For those of you who have morned the loss of a beloved electronic device you'll know that it's not what was on the outside that you miss most, but rather what was within that causes your tears...

Pictures.  Videos.  Memories.  Lots of memories.

Excited by joining the modern world of fancy smart phones we had quickly come to rely on my iphone for all our picture and video taking since it entered our lives as an early Christmas present in November... that gave us plenty of time to capture first school plays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, several birthdays...

Why didn't I put them on my computer you ask?  Well, I was in the middle of researching how it is that my "old" 2010 MacBook is not compatible with iCloud. Sadly this hiccup obviously wasn't resolved in time.

At first it was brought to my attention (by the murder suspect) that I was being irrational and overly emotional about the departure of "just a phone." Even the kids chimed in to fuel my materialism guilt by asking "but aren't you happy to get a brand new phone again?!" No, sorry sweet hearts, even getting a brand new, out of upgrade cycle, ridiculously expensive iPhone doesn't make this all better.

It didn't take long for them to understand why.

The missed memories are the long term sting (the one for adults) but there's also trauma to the wee ones in all this as you see our number one source of keeping the kids entertained in kid-unfriendly public situations was gone... No more pictures and videos to look through to pass the time at dreaded doctor visits.... No more admiring your own adorableness from weeks past...

Fortunately Sienna inherited her crisis management techniques from her father. Where there is a problem, there is a logical solution.

"Let's just take as many pictures as possible as quickly as possible to fill your phone back up!"

And thus began the week with:

"Mom!  Take a picture of me walking to the store in this sweater!"

Then, early wake ups with:

"Good morning mommy! (2" from my face)  Look at our silly faces.  Take a picture of them!"

Until I finally relinquished control and let her take a few shots on her own... 

She started with her favorite model:

Herself, and yes, this is up-close-self portrait take #1 of 657. 

Eventually she started moving on to other models...

 Not too bad huh? 

She even learned to direct our poses... "Mommy, look up at Daddy like you're happy with what he just said" (Does she think I usually fake this??)

A few still shots of our poor poochy pants who can't seem to find a Lego free spot to catch some un-tortured shut eye.

And last a few awkward attempts to take a picture of the baby... ew... is this how it really looks from above...

I am not alone

I typically spend the majority of my afternoons waiting for Daddy to finally get home by defying the laws of mother surface area to child volume

During this joyous over-togetherness session I occasionally dare to sneak away for a tiny sanity recharge in the bathroom. My attempts are usually futile, but every once in a while my escape is stealthy enough to allow sufficient time for full door shutting and locking before the troops follow!


When this happens I happily sit on the closed toilet seat (what you think I actually had time to drink enough water to need to pee?!), next I unlock my child protected iPhone and eagerly attempt social media connection with the real world.

Ahh phew, I'm not alone after all!!

Oh yeah, the kids and the dogs are also still there waiting for me outside the door.

Ironically, being locked in a bathroom is often a good way to get them to stay in one spot for 2 minutes.... Unfortunately getting to the bathroom undetected with a chance to lock myself in there is more than half the battle!

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol 1)

--- 1 ---

If you don't already read Camp Patton you will now! When I don't have time during this bed rest (um right) to read any other blogs, this is the gal I make time for... Ok that just really means, I always read her first  since I never don't have time to find the bottom of the internet these days :)  She has two weekly posts that I really like and so I realized that clearly my blog'll only be cool if I try to be like her too... So I decided to see what this cool kids club entailed and discoverd it all roots back to Jen the original gangsta of 7QTF at Conversion Diary!!   Are you convinced yet to do this too? 

--- 2 ---

We've been sick around these parts.... but let me properly direct your anticipated pity...   I actually look forward to Jonah getting sick, because it means rare snuggles and quiet time with Mommy....

Now that you understand that, you can feel pity for me as a terrible mother for slightly enjoying a chance to wrestle him still long enough to love on this wild man when he doesn't feel so good.... 

--- 3 ---

During our time on the couch this week I had the chance to interview Jonah on a few important topics:

Me- What do you think your new brother is doing in my tummy?

Jonah-  He's in timeout. 

Me-  He is?!  Why is he in timeout?

Jonah-  Because he keeps kicking.

(Um, this is an excellent point, this baby should be in timeout! His kicks actually hurt!)

Me- Will you teach your new brother how to be a good boy and not get timeouts.

Jonah- Probably, actually NO. 

Me-  So, Jonah what do you think your brother's favorite color will be?

Jonah-  Bee-oooh (blue), but he has to have Bash's geeen (green) bowl, because the beeoooh one is mine.

Me- What if Bash doesn't want to share his bowl?  

Jonah-  Bashy always has to share or he will go to timeout too. 

--- 4 ---

Speaking of Bashy always sharing, he has decided to share everyone else's bed lately but his own....

We keep finding this crib escaper asleep all over the upstairs...

--- 5 ---

I'm getting my carpets cleaned right now.  Now, I'm new to this game, so if this isn't note worthy for 7QTF I just don't know what is, because I honestly can't think of anything that I've looked forward to all week like this in long time!!

--- 6 ---

I'm celebrating my 32nd week of pregnancy tomorrow... celebration worthy not only because each week has felt like years in this third trimester, but because we are offically in the safety zone where thanks to modern medicine this little caved in super hero has just as much a chance of being a happy healthy baby as any other born full term!    

We strategically had the carpets cleaned today so the house would be somewhat ready for his homecoming just in case my wild celebration of date night to the movies and out to dinner with first main man jumps us into action.  Ok, fine, I'll probably convince my hot date to swing by Target for a motorized shopping cart ride too, just because I need quality time with both of my neglected love affairs.

--- 7 ---

Picture Source

Last, and most important of all, farewell Pope Benedict XVI!  I guess being a convert puts me in a unique position to get asked often by lots of friends and family how I feel about "the whole Pope thing?!"  

Well, I'll tell you... I feel blessed!  Incredibly blessed to have converted just in time to witness such a holy man answering his calling and completing it with an ultimate display of dignity for the value of a near ending human life-  both things he did and accepted when it was probably most difficult to do.  At 78 years old to take on the weight of the world as Pope is humbling for me to even consider.  Would I be obedient to an even remotely tremendous or fractionally daunting task?   Looking back at all he did during that time for the Church is even more inspiring.  We will always pray for him and give thanks for his wisdom, guidance and love!