Thursday, April 11, 2013

Observations about pregnant women

There is one occasion in our culture in which all social faux pas are completely acceptable and forgiven. 

This occasion is pregnancy.

The time when a woman is most hormonal, most insecure and most sensitive to her surroundings, the rest of the world of close friends and strangers alike somehow decide it's ok to comment and question without pause. 

I've started a list from just this week that I'd like to share of such delicately spoken gems:

"That baby is going to fall right out of you!"
(Excuse me?? What exactly are you trying to imply?)

"I can't believe you haven't had that baby yet!"
(Ah, so nice of you to help distract myself from that very constant thought, but now realizing you'd like to add to the pressure to pop this kid out I feel from the 100 other people who ask me that daily I think I'll talk to my dog.)
"I can see it in your face that you're almost due. Your face is getting more swollen and your features sort of blend together."
(No words.  Why would you even say that?)
"Oh you have the pregnancy glow on your face!  I thought it was age spots when it happened to me, but at least yours look a little like freckles."  
(I hadn't noticed my pregnancy mask until this comment, but I sure do now!)
"You are carrying so low!  I bet you'll get stretch marks."
(Really?  That correlation wasn't in my What to Expect When You're Expecting book, but thanks for giving me something to worry about).
"You have your hands full!  Are you sure you're ready for this?"
(Um... no, not really sure, will you take it back for me?)
"This is your FORTH!!  Are you on CRACK?!"
(Yes and no, but are you? Because I'm pretty sure since the late 90's only people who use crack ask if other people are "on crack.")
"Yes, I can definitely tell you're still growing!  You look much bigger than last time we saw each other."
(Is this necessary?  Of course I am getting bigger. I try not to worry about that, but glad you'll point it out every weekend we go between dropping off our kids at preschool.)
"You know you still have to lose all the weight you gain!"
(Yes, I am very acutely aware, but I'm also hungry... so let me eat in peace and deal with the consequences.) 
"Wow, you are HUGE! I would ask them to make sure it's not twins!"
(Thanks... my uh, ob keeps saying I'm measuring small, but if you say so.)
"Was this baby planned?"
(Um yes, when you have sex, you should plan that a baby might be conceived.)
"Big brother is going to be so jealous!"
(Well, probably now that you suggested that to him.  Thanks.  Siblings are the best gift you can give your child, why do people assume or suggest they won't want them?? My kids LOVE when I'm pregnant!)
"It'll be so nice when you're not pregnant again for a while, I bet your hair will look pretty again."
(From my own mother.)
And we'll stop with that favorite of mine!  

Please leave your similar comments below so I can delete them :)   

Just kidding! 

I really do want to hear any good ones you've gotten that I can't think of because they haven't happened yet this week...


  1. Oh, my goodness! People do say the rudest things. Luckily I haven't had many annoying comments so far this time... it helps that I don't see many people. ;-)

  2. I like your mom's the best. So have that baby already you crazy fatso!... No but please keep me posted just because I want to be in the loop.