Only for the babysitter

If you've ever had the pleasure of trying out a new babysitter you'll know it's scarier than trying on bathing suits 6 weeks after having a baby.  

You're a little unsure that the kids will feel comfortable with the new care giver.  You dread the awkward babysitter small talk that makes you realize: yes, you are old now and no, you're not as cool as you think you still are.  You might wonder if she'll be able to locate the emergency phone numbers and 5 page manual on exactly how you change your baby's diaper in the heat of the moment.  You know, the things that make you not as cool as you think you are.  

By the 4th kid we've learned not to worry about all that.  Instead we worry that if she survives she might not want to come back. 

Not because our kids are terrors or because our house is a pile of disgusting (all reasons I didn't return babysitting calls oh so few years ago).

Actually our house is fairly clean and our kids are usually pretty sweet....  it's mostly because of hearing about conversations like these that keep me holding my breath:

Jonah-  "Ms Eggan, don't you have a penis too?" 

Ms Megan- "uuuuhhh.... let's play trains." 

Sienna- "Ms Andrea, do you have a baby in your tummy too?"

Ms Andrea- "No, I just got married, maybe someday!"

Sienna- "Are you sure?  It looks like there is a little baby there." 

Jonah- "No, Mommy, Samuel has to stay with me!  I want him to stay with us and Ms Megan too?"

Me- "I'm sorry Sweetie, Ms Megan doesn't have any milk.  He has to go with Mommy until he's bigger." 

Jonah- "Ms Eggan, didn't you bring your naked under there?" 

It has also occurred to me that babysitters might not appreciate all of our new tricks:

Sitter- "Come on guys!  Let's all go outside and play!" 

Bash -  "I need Leo. Leo side. Leo side!" 

Bash runs back inside and shuts the door 

Sitter- "No Bash, we need to leave the door open."

Bash locks the door

Sitter- "Sebastian, open the door."

Bash- 

Sitter- "Sebastian!  Open the door please!" 

Jonah- "He yocked it."

Bash- 

Jonah- "Oh gate. We're stuck. Mommy is gonna be ang-gey with you!" 

Ginnes- "Are the kids supposed to go swimming after naps?"

Me- "uh, did they go swimming after naps?"

Ginnes- 

Me- "Ooook then, looks like now they are." 

While getting ready for bed Sienna tricks the sitter into thinking tells the sitter that Bash has to try going pee on the potty before we put his pajamas on too: 

Bash quickly waddles over to the potty, climbs up and screams- "I need potty! I need potty!" 

Ms Megan- "Ooook, let's see this." 

Jonah-  "He did it!!   Now Mommy says never says  we can run around in our nakeds and sing to him!" 

Ms Megan-  "Are you sure, I think he probably needs to pu-" 

The kids start race around the house singing in their nakeds 

2 second later 

Jonah- "Ew!! Ms Eggan! Bashers is putting more of his green poo poo in the carpet and all over his naked!"

Ms Megan- "Sienna, does your mommy have carpet cleaner?"

Sienna- "Yes!! I know where it is!  Isn't in her room, but you have to unlock it, because her and daddy have privates in there." 

May the sweetest, toughest and wisest sitters survive!  And even after she does, it's observations like this (the ones I hoped she'd never notice) that keep me praying she'll still come back... 

Ms Andrea- "Sienna is a close talker." 

Me- "Yeah, I know... Unfortunate, isn't it?"