Saturday, September 21, 2013

What type of breast feeder do you have?

As a mother of four with more than 5 years of breastfeeding experience I've characterized the top 15 most common types of breast feeders.  
  1. The motor boater  /n/  small suckling that periodically buries, wipes, blows or nuzzles his or hear head into the mother's bosom while nursing.  
  2. The slapper /n/  small suckling that repeatedly slaps one breast while nursing from the other. 
  3. The pincher  /n/  small suckling that pinches, pokes or digs his or her nails into the mother's tender skin while nursing.
  4. The puller  /n/   small suckling that retains the mother's nipple in mouth while pulling back with brute force. 
  5. The head turner  /n/   small suckling that retains the mother's nipple in mouth while dramatically turning to look about his or her surroundings. 
  6. The angry boxer  /n/   aggressive suckling that periodically punches and hits at the mother's chest while nursing.
  7. The super soaker  /n/  small suckling who likes to grab the mother's lactating nipple during a feeding so that it will spray milk across the room. 
  8. The kicker  /n/   excited suckling that forcefully kicks and twists the torso and legs while nursing. 
  9. The snacker  /n/  small suckling who nurses in short enough increments to prolong and extend painful let downs.
  10. The straw slurper   /n/   small suckling whose latch resembles a grown human sucking a thick milkshake from a straw. 
  11. The talker  /n/  small suckling who likes to talk and smile while nursing so that the mother's milk may drip and escape from his or her mouth.  
  12. The hair dresser  /n/   small suckling who pulls out strands, clumps or sections of his or her mother's hair while nursing.  
  13. The all nighter  /n/  small suckling who prefers nursing any time the mother should be sleeping. 
  14. The sleeper  /n/  small suckling who frequently falls asleep while nursing and can often be caught moving his or her pursed lips while dreaming of nursing. 
  15. The lover   /n/   small suckling that gazes in awe and wonder at his or her mother's beloved face while nursing.  

*Babies have been known to change and/or combine breastfeeding type over the duration of his or her nursing lifetime.

**New techniques and styles are being created constantly to challenge the already more difficult than you probably realized process of breastfeeding your newborn.  

If you have experienced a style not represented above, please let me know!


  1. I have three children (one still a baby), and at various times they have been pinchers, pullers, head-turners, snackers, hair-dressers, all-nighters, sleepers, lovers.... oh, yes, and we mustn't forget biters.

    1. Oh my how could I forget biters!! I was also reminded of The Flasher at church today.... Yikes!

    2. Haha, I have also experienced that one to a small degree.